Disconcertment

Sometimes your subconscious doesn't want to chat with you.

You know those mornings you wake and are in a state of unease? You don't know why, there's nothing in your life to suggest you should be uncomfortable, worried, ill at ease - disconcerted. But you are. I am.

Often when there's a sense of undetermined yet powerful feelings such as these I let go of my studio plans, giving in to just sketching or painting on blank papers or canvas. A sort of 'giving into indeterminate emotions.' I've learnt awhile back that these kinds of days are not days you work on the already developed, dare I say important, pieces. I'm far too impulsive and when you give into this much emotion you're likely to make a mark you can't undo on a piece you had other feelings and thoughts for.

So again I played with the acrylics. The uncomfortable, unesthetic feel of them fits my mood today and this sketch pictured above reflects that. It is not time wasted, nor is it me indulging in emotions without something to show for it. Because in stepping back from other works and stepping into these feelings with blank substrates I can look back at it and see where the emotion took me. See how I might control and develop it. It is the basis of my visual language I hope to refine in the coming months.

Artist